Roy growled and shook his head, “You… grr… seriously, you…. you’re incredible… you know that. It’s just always about you isn’t it? This entire thing is all about you….”
"No! I won’t forgive Brave Bow because he pushed me out!! Ollie… Ollie came to me and wanted me back. Brave Bow… he just… he just pushed me aside. He didn’t want me there. Ollie… Ollie wants me. That’s why I can forgive him! And you know what he did listen to us… he would have backed us up… we were impatient and we went in half cocked," Roy admitted with a sigh.
"Look I know he gave up. I know it hurts. You keep thinking that if you were in my position… just how horrible it would be if he stopped. And it’s horrible but I had you. You got me out and yeah it hurts that it wasn’t him but…. He tried. He tried for a while. It took five years and he helped for at least three. He couldn’t handle it, Red. Every time he didn’t find me it was like I died all over again. And the emotion toll that would have taken on him from a fatherly perspective…. I… I can’t imagine…." Roy explained softly.
Roy growled, “Is that what all this is about?! Is this why you are so pissed? If you disappeared? I think Ollie can only face the shame of having someone else find his son for him once…. He would probably never stop searching and I wouldn’t either now that I am back. Like me being back is a reason to forget you. It’s all the more reason to find you.”
"Are you planning on disappearing or something? Because Ollie is outside my door and is shaking his head at me so I think he is a bit miffed…" Roy trailed off and shooed Ollie off.
"No, I forgot. It’s all about you, right? Heaven fucking forbid I have my own shit to work through, too. Am I not allowed to be hurt that everyone I cared about just dropped off contact? Or should I forget that that the guy I loved, the people I thought of as family, stopped trusting me because of what the Light did to me?
"Brave Bow was trying to protect us, so we didn’t have to watch our dad die again. It’s not like he chose to get sick and die. He didn’t stop wanting us." He kicked the coffee table over. "We had to act right then, or otherwise we would have lost them! And we did! I spent years tra-" He paused, trailing off. "They were playing me. Giving me the information they wanted me to have…" The knowledge made him sick. He wanted to throw up and drown himself in alcohol to forget.
"You’re his son! He should never have given up! Brave Bow wouldn’t have given up. He would have brought you home himself on foot if he had to. All the resources that the League has, they should have been able to find you if they got their heads out of their asses for thirty fucking seconds. Ollie was willing to leave you in the Light’s hands. Dinah was, too! The only mom we ever had… How are you okay with that?"
Red growled back. “So finding me would only be to spare his stupid pride? Everyone took the first good excuse they could and just stopped. Because they ‘didn’t know you’ or other shit was more important. Like it fucking matters. No-one would look for me.”
He sighed, swinging his foot. “Not planning on it. But shit happens. Not saying I’m planning on going anywhere. Just saying, I could drop off the map tomorrow and everyone’d think I OD’d or something and call it a day.”